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VIENTIANE



After taking the overnight bus from Bangkok to the Lao border, we found ourselves in Vientiane early in the morning. As capital cities go Vientiane should be famous for being the least likely capital on earth. Small and sleepy it sits along the bank of the Mekong looking back across towards Thailand.

Travelling around asia you get used to being greeted at any travel hub by a crowd of eager tuk-tuk drivers, rickshaw peddlers, taxis, buses and whatever drivers... but as we arrived in Vietniane no one seemed all that bothered to turn up.

Enjoying the contrast to Bangkok It seemes a nice place to spend a few days and we enjoyed the prospect of downing a fair few bottles of the famous Lao Beer (certainly one of the best in the world), taking a leasurely stroll around the cities few sights and sitting around street cafes munching Baguettes and slurping noodle soup.


Now, things inevitably go wrong on a long trip at some point and luckily up till now nothing really had, in fact we'd been lucky to get a safe landing in Hanoi and not to have been on the west coast of Thailand on boxing day morning.

But, as far as losses go, if you'd asked me what one thing i wouldn't want to loose I'd have said my camera ... unfortunately thats what went and we subsiquently ended up spending a whole week in Vientiane trying to get a statement for our travel insurance from the police.

This involved us having to get proof of a theft (we found my camera bag empty and stripped of all contents outside the restaurant where we lost it), then arrange for the staff there to visit the police station with us to verify things (this turned into an interrogation of the waiter who was understandably very reluctant to be there). That was the only time the police seemed to do anythihg.

All we wanted was a statement...
The upshot was that we couldnt understand anything of the interview and they stil wouldnt type up a report. Aya noticed that we didnt even have a case number, no report of loss or theft, there wasnt even a phone in their office and my statement was written down in the kind of notebook you'd use in highschool then tossed into a cupboardful of other notebooks Mr. Kongty, the main Tourist Police guy would sit there pretending to read it while picking his teeth for an age, I noticed he was often on the wrong page studying some other long forgotten tourist's statement instead.

It was strange but even after all the days of delays and coming back, doing all the legwork ourselves, they wouldnt file a report without first visiting the restaurant, "Will you be in Vientiane for a long time?".

Itd already been a week already, six days since we lost the camera.
"How much is the camera worth?" Figured that should be more of interest to the insurance than them.
They smiled at the response, maybe to say you haven't a chance of finding it. Well, that was fairly obvious from the beginning. But could we get the loss on record for our insurance..not a chance it seemed.

We took Mr Kongti's mobile number as a memento and said we:d sure as hell be back in a three weeks after traveling around the north though knowing that it wouldnt happen ... if we got up to the montains in the north as planned itd take three straight days at least just to travel back down to the capital.

Ho hum, Vientiane, a nice enough place but if you go don't get your camera knicked and come to think of it, dont bother visiting the Buddha Park on the outskirts of town either...it pushes the frontiers of Bizarre Asian Theme Parks.(even worse than the Crocodile and Bannana Park in Japan). Random crumbling statues of..er, buddhas and various Hindu deities, figures and beasts...all randomly placed in a field miles from anywhere. Thats it. Pretty absurd.


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LUANG PHABANG


We took the ten hour bus trip up to Luang Phabang passing through Vang Vieng along the way. We decided we'd skip stopping there due to the time lost in Vientiane and the fact that everyone described it as a backpackers kabutz. Saying that, we were kicking ourselves at not spending at least a day as we passed through.
The landscape we passed around there was amazing, with huge limestone karsks rising out of the fields. In fact the whole bus trip offered some of the best window viewing I've ever experienced. Climbing uphill from Vang Vieng into the mountains and valleys north it was simply stunning in scale.

Giant creased mountain slopes of forest or immense limestone cliffs tearing upwards out of the surrounding hills. We climbed along a narrow valley road past the burnt out carrages of other buses, or one left abandoned and gutted by the road side, creating hushed conversations and edginess from the other passengers as they leant over to have a look.

It was a reminder that only two years ago this stretch was notorius for attcks from H'mong rebels still fighting on after the war. I'd been surprised to notice that one of our passengers wasn't a passenger at all but a kind of security guard. At our one stop all day he got off and enjoyed his lunch with an AK47 hanging off his shoulder.

Luang Phabang is a quiet and sleepy ex-colonial town, world heratage site and darling location for generations of travellers and aid workers who know a good spot when they find it.

There are dozens of Buddhist temples around town with young monks going about, carrying their umberallas to keep off the sun or a copy of Practical English Usage and a note book to practice their English on visitors. We met a young monk outside Wat Mai who was keen to chat in English, Japanese, French and would punctuate the conversation by writing down new words. I had to keep holding myself back from correcting him after a bit as he was so eager to correct himself and write everything down, could feel myself slipping into teacher mode.

We went back in the evening to listen to the chanting when all the monks gather inside the Wat to pray. You can just sit quietly at the back and soak in the sounds and atmosphere. All the younger monks were at the back nodding off and chanting at the same time. The sound was hypnotic and soon enough half an hour had passed, our legs were numb from kneeling on the stone floor and we made a quiet exit.


We visited the main temples and sites in Luang Phabang in a couple of days and were starting to feel a bit underawed. Probably more a reflection of the fact that we'd been traveling for eight months than on the town itself but after two days we were scratching our heads working out what to do next. We'd lost our guide book along with the camera back in Vientiane (no big loss as the Lonely Planet to Laos really isn't up to much at all).

To get some ideas we picked up a copy of the Laos Tourism Authority Guide, not much else there in terms of highlights but, for an official guide, it has some great no nonsense advice and info on a range of topics.
On road traffic it states :

"Driving in Laos is risky, mainly in urban areas. Lao people are driving by inspiration and with the assistance of Buddha ...
The road code is existing but not really respected by the Lao people"

On drugs, " Drugs are forbidden in Laos (we are not in Katmandu or Goa)".

On Health, "You have been bitten by a dog? Here you are lucky. As if rabbies is not rare in Laos... Bites by scorpions, snakes, spiders etc... yes, I know it's painful.
But it's never deadly except sometimes...

Bite from a tiger ? Very bad, especially in rainy season. You will be comforted knowing that your family is going to get news from you, reading the daily newspaper."

On Luang Phabang, "The nice and sleepy. It's the jewel of Laos, the former capital of the kingdom. You can still breath the air of quietness. There you can still feel what Laos has been."..

Right, but still not much info on where to go and what to do.

We decided to take a boat across the river and see what was on the other bank. Three more temples to look around, but what was amazing was that it's just a village over there. We felt it said a lot about the character of Laos that you can be in the second city, cross the river in the center of town and feel like you were in the middle of the hinterland. People were sat outside their yard with cocks crowing for attention and curious kids giving shy smiles behind their upheld hands. The main Wat was locked but we'd brought an incense offering so a monk was happy to open it for us and let us have a look around.

After an hour walking around we felt we were enjoying it more than the other side of the river and decided that after having spent a couple of days looking around Luang Phabang it was time to get out into the mountains.

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A THREE DAY HIKE. (Luang Phabang - Houy Fai - Hoy Yen Song)


We planned a three day hike that took us first on a short tuk-tuk journey to a far bank of the Khan river, which feeds into the Mekong, about half an hour from Luang Phabang. Even at such a short distance from the city we found ourselves walking through beautiful teak forests and crossing rice fields now dried yellow and over grown with weeds and wild flowers.

Laos only has one rice harvest in September so now in January it's the height of the dry season and a bit of a quiet time for the 80% of the population living off the land. Our guide, Vanthong, is a young H'mong originally from that area and now living in Luang Phabang. He'd studied to be a teacher in the city but was working as a tour guide for the time being. We'd be passing through his village on the second afternoon of our hike.

After a few hours crossing fields and forests we came to our first stop, a Khmu village and then on through a valley of Karsks, upwards over a huge hill and down into a high valley and it's small H'mong village, Long Kout. We were welcomed into a house to eat our lunch and take a breather. Long Kout is in a beautifully isolated spot, surrounded by mountains on all sides, it looked like a tough place to live. Less than twenty families made up the village and the only water source was a pond that collected rain water during the rainy season.

I was amazed to see a local guy and his son casting a net into the tiny pond and pulling out one or two small fish while on the banks cows and pigs wollowed in the mud. All the villages drinking and bathing water came from this one source and we were shuddering at the thought of drinking a glass of that stuff, even though the villagers boil and filter it through cloth sacking.

Outside one of the houses we stumbled across a bomb casing, one of the many left dotted all over Laos from Americas unofficial war and bombing campaign during the height of the Vietnam war. Called 'Operation Sideshow', they tried unsuccessfully to disrupt the Vietnamese and Pathet Laos forces by dropping more bombs on the small rural country than were dropped in the entirity of the second world war, making Laos the most heavily bombed country in the world.
I was surprised to see casings here as i thought the bombing was mainly in the east to try and disrupt the Ho Chi Minh Trail. Van explained that this area also saw a lot of action with American forces training H'mong rebels in the hills to fight the communists. The American bombers often flew over the area on their return trips from North Vietnam, if their payloads hadn't been dropped due to bad weather or whatever they'd often discharge them anywhere over Laos before returning to base. Nowadays they usually used as scrap metal or you can see them refashioned to make spoons and knives, or sawn in half they make excellent plantpots!


The next part of our hike was a steep four hour hike, traversing first up then down the side of a huge mountain. The whole path was narrow and crowded with tall grass and palm plants. Van called this section the 'Tiger Trail' probably due to the fact that it was a bit wild and you'd have to be the height of a tiger to fit through it. On the descent I imagined it should have been called the 'midget trail' as I was permanently bent double with knees trembling and grass constantly wacking me in the face as I half crawled my way down the mountain slope.
We finally made it to our stop over for the night, a Khmu village called Houy Fai. We were settled in to a hut alongside the chiefs house and, unlike the trek we'd done in Vietnam, wouldn't be staying with a local family. We had a meal sat in the yard and went of to find the 'shower' before sunset.


The village shower was a stream channeled through half bamboo gutters and it was open to all on the side of the village. We were pondering the logisitics of getting a wash without creating any embarrassment but everytime I headed to the stream there were already a group of women washing their clothes and themselves. Being a Brit I stood around at a distance waiting my turn which of cause meant nothing to the Khmu, more people came and went happliy washing together and I figured it would be prudish to shy away so just stripped down to my boxers and joined in, swearing that on the next trip I'd take a knee length towel or sarong and my flip-flops like the locals do.

The people were friendly enough but, (despite the communal showering), very shy and seemed happy to gather at a distance and stare at us. We tried to make do with our extensive Lao, "sabaidi" or hello. Of course this only goes so far and with our guide seemingly reluctant to help us strike up a conversation (he's H'mong and doesn't know the people there) and our general state of exhaustion from the hike we decided to wait till morning and called it a night a seven o'clock.
It was a strange night in Houy Fai. Thinking there'd be no electricity we were surprised to hear the generator kick in and light come on in the chiefs house next door. This was promptly followed by a booming and distorted succession of chinese hits and Lao pop songs. It's pretty much a given that all across asia they like their stereos turned up to the point where the speaker are about to blow, the louder and more distorted the better. It was a weird contrast, with the pop songs and generator rattling away like an old tractor in this sleepy timeless village bathed in moonlight. Every break between songs you could glimpse the gentle frog chorus coming from the river bank. You'd have thought there was gonna be a big party but it was just the chief playing his tunes for the benefit of the whole village. This kind of fizzled out after a few hours and was replaced by a spooky sounding radio broadcast that seemed to be coming from another house. After some marching anthems and robust patriotic sounding stuff a male voice droned on in Laos, then Khmu, then H'mong for hours.


The late hour, the total silence of the villagers and lack of lighting got me thinking that this was some kind of propaganda braodcast that everyone had to endure everynight, (we came upon this a few times in Vietnam too). The whole village nodding off in the dark to some droning instructions that sounded like they were being broadcast from Mars or somewhere. We couldn't sleep so ventured out to find a spot to use as a toilet. Van had been very vague about that arrangement and just gestured around the village saying "go anywhere". Didn't seem right to pee in front of someones house so we wandered through the empty village in the moonlight, with The Voice still banging on and echoing off the surrounding hills, and found some trees on the edge of the huts.

The next morning we were awoken at the crack of dawn as everyone and everything came to life. Although cocks are a bugger for waking you up it was the pigs that gave me a start as I couldn't work out for a minute what the hell that noise was. We spent the early morning shyly nosing about and saying hello to the shy villages.
There weren't many men about and the women were sat out making brooms out of the grass we'd seen lying out to dry all over Laos since we'd first arrived. Van explained that they we're a good source of income in the dry season between harvesting and planting The women were handmaking hundreds all over the village. They sold at market of 2,000 kip a piece, about 10p each.

The second days trek was quite hard going, six hours in total but at least we were mostly out in the open and we also passed along some cool river beds and spots of jungle with wild Bananas and bamboo grooves. We even discovered the plant that we could smell often enough the first day, hard to describe but we think we pinned it down as the smell of a plate of stale macaroni and cheese. We made a brief stops at two H'mong villages, the second being Vans home village of Pha Leam set on a steep slope high up overlooking all the hills below. Vans sister in law invited us in for a rest in the midday heat and we prepared for the zigzaging uphill-downhill trail to our stopover for the night. Hiking in asia is rarely flat, the paths that the villagers had created to get from A to B have to negotiate their way along the edges on constantly creased and buckling mountain slopes so it was a bit intimidating at times when we'd reach a high point and Van would point to the third huge hill in the distance and say, "We're heading for the valley just behind there." and you'd be squinting into the distance and looking at the drops of each fold in the mountains wondering how the hell we we're gonna do it.

Finally we crossed the hills and reached the valley floor and walked into Hoy Yen Song village along the stream bed that feeds the large group of huts and our long awaited "shower". This time it turned out to be a splash in the river bed. The village had a small bamboo tube set up but it was right in the middle of a group of huts and we'd gathered so much attention from the kids that we tried to get somewhere a bit more peaceful. When we arrived, Van took us to the Chief's house and our stopover for the night.


A large crowd of kids gathered in the doorway staring in at us new arrivals, we made a bit of small talk and tooks some digi-pics to show them. Kids (and most of the adults) throughout our trip really get a kick out of seeing their picture. It's great to be able to take someones picture and turn the camera around to show them.The children always just break into peels of laughter and soon enough theres a crowd of people gathered round. We'd learned to keep this to a bit of a minimum but still the kids crowded the little room we were in.
Drinkling tea and chatting to Van or the chief, every kid in the village seemed to be peering in through the doorway staring at us mutely or giggling and whispering to each other After some food we were ushered to our room for the night, right above the room we'd just been in which was now being converted into the village cinema.
We saw a huge matress spread on the floor under a mosquito net and thought "Great, very comfy" without realising we'd be sharing it with both Van, and the cook.
The chief and his wife slept a few yards away.
So, the generator kicked in and then the blast of Lao and Chinese pop started up downstairs, from the noise of voices it seemed like the whole village had gathered into the tiny room. We rested up a bit until the TV kicked off and everyone was laughing and going 'ooohh, ahhh' during the fight scenes Smoke started drifting up through little cracks in the floorboards so we knelt down to take a peek. The room was packed to the rafters with everyone squeezed in, smoking and munching and watching the Thai movie.
We tried to get in downstairs but couldn't get through the door so had to make do with glimpses. Once the movie and a few more pop songs finished I sat out on the balcony watching everyone fall out through the door and disperse and walk the few meters to their huts. In the middle of the night Aya snuck out for a pee and was followed back by a gurning young guy offering her a smoke. He hung around the door for half an hour until he finally gave up.
The next morning we gathered the same small crowd of kids watching us brush our teeth, walk around, eat a banana and then finally set off for the final downhill stretch to the village. It was an easy walk and in a few hours we reached the river and, after an hour kicking about on the bank and having peeble skimming contests, we met our boat to take us back to Luang Phabang.


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HEADING UP NORTH


We decided that we'd use our remaining time to travel around the far Northern Provinces of Phongsali and Luang Nam Tha, to do more trekking and visit some out of the way villages and ethnic groups. Getting good travel information was proving as difficult as ever and also the guide fees offered were too expensive so we struck up a plan to find a single guide who'd go with us and whom we could pay direct, more money for him, less cost for us. Van introduced us to his nephew Toua.

We set of first for Phonsali Province in the far North East corner, bordering Yunnan Province, China. We planned on a two day trip up the Ou River but it eventually turned into three. First two we're on the slow, narrow taxi boats everyone uses to get around but of course they only leave when full and make plenty of stops along the way. On the second day it looked like we'd have to charter a whole boat for ourselves but managed to get upriver the slow and cheaper way by hanging around till midday when their were enough passengers to set off. The five to six hour trips we're a great way to get through Laos, with stunning landscapes and relatively peaceful (besides our boat engine) river valleys.

By the second night we'd arrived in Muang Khua and the stronger chinese influence could be seen, men walking around in olive Mao caps, more road construction and work encampments on the banks of the river. Tua hit us with the bad news that we'd never make it to our end of river destination, Hat Sa, in time to catch the daily 'bus' to Phongsali city. The only way round this was to take one of the dreaded 'speed boats'.


We'd seen and definately heard a few of these lunatic devices over the past two days. A small long boat sat deep in the water with a huge engine stuck to the back, the driver operates a long pole with a propellar whiring at the end. He dips this in the water, turning left to right for direction..and these things fly. The noise they make coming down the river canyons is enourmous, we often heard them from a distance and when they go past everyone stops and stares, half in awe and half amazement at the idiots travelling so fast and recklessly over the shallow waters. All the passengers are equipped with crash helmets as, with all the seperating channels, exposed rocks and flotsam in the water, they have a notorious reputation for upending and presuamably killing half the occupants. I met someone who'd ridden one and his description of what it was like was tensing up his whole body, burying his neck in his sholders, gritting his teeth and shaking violently up and down! Great, we had little choice but we're beginning to question Tua's judgement.


We sat in the speed boat early in the morning with that feeling you get when you're at the beginning of a rollercoaster ride. Again Tua let us down by sitting us (but not himself) in the front of the thing, the worst place possible, all the Laos on board spent the next two and a half hours huddled behind us as we took the full force of the wind and serious chill factor. The boat flew into action and in seconds the scerene forrested landscape we'd got used to contemplating became a green blur. Five minutes later we we're frozen with tears coming out of our eyes...after ten minutes we began to get used to seeing the river split into three channels by huge boulders and then narrowly scraping past one as the pilot swerved us into the only channel slightly deep enough to get through, gunning the engine up the chuning slope of foam before settling in to the next clear stretch.
After fifteen minute and realising we had more than two hours of this to go we were begining to really enjoy it. Although I often thought that it was one of the stupidest thing we'd done on the trip so far. Besides the cold, which was total, the whole trip took on a dream like quality, perched at the front I often felt like I was sat crosslegged on some flying carpet gliding over the morning river rocketing staight ahead through beautiful mountain gorges.
We arrived shaken and weak kneed at Hat Sa to find the 11 o'clock lorry-bus still standing empty, it was still not going anywhere by 2 and we were laughing and the idea of flying down a river only to sit around the back of an immobile flatbed truck for hours on end.
It finally set off after enough locals had arrived and everyone had loaded their baskets, piglets, piles of wood and other woldly goods on board and we had an hours ride up steep mountain roads to the provincial capital of Phonsali.

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A TWO DAY HIKE (Phongsali - Lao Ko Village - Phongsali)


Phongsali city isn't much to look at, a down at heel dust swept city. It's 1,600 meters above sea level and is more of a farm town come China-Lao crossroads. It didn' t have the same feel as the other towns we'd visited and I imagined that we'd somehow slipped across the border and were really in China. The streets were broad but empty with lots of wooden slat frontings all closed from the dust and windowless. We got a bed at another uninspiring guesthouse and Tua set off to meet someone to organise our trek for the next two days.
We were up and out early the next morning to get to the market to stock up on food for the trip, the morning market was alot more colourful than the scene that greeted us the night before with lots of villagers heading into town and so we soon got a bit distracted wandering around taking photos and trying out the coffee and noodle stalls leaving Tua to get the provisions..

Our local guide for the trek was Wan Souk, a quiet older man who looked more like he knew what he was doing. Not unlike most of the people we'd met in Laos, was quiet, gently spoken but often grinning and having a laugh. He set us off out of town and gradually down a dusty road leading towards a nearby village. This was only and hour from the city and so we stopped by to meet up with a friend of his who was concocting some rice whiskey moonshine in his yard. The smell was a dead givaway, like old pub carpets, and the process seemed simple enough. He had a few sample bottles close to hand, an evil looking clear green beverage, we gave it a miss.

So this was the start of our trek, looking out from the top of this mountain ridge the entire view was of green forested mountains rolling away into the distance. In the early morning the valleys in between were still full of white mist and cloud, Wan Souk pointed down into the valley and said "we'll hike down there and then," now pointing past a few lesser peaks to the first major ridge of mountain in the distance and "and we climb up there and stay for the night."

The whole hike was on a much grander scale than the one we'd done previously, hiking down hill was steep but cool under the canopy in the morning. It took us three to four hours to reach the narrow valley floor, a beautiful shaded pebble bank alongside the river cutting through. We settled down for lunch. Tou pulled out a small bunch of bread rolls and asked us if we wanted honey, "Yes please" and then he handed me a can of condensed milk. Thinking he'd made a mistake I asked for the honey and he said "That's it."
Condensed milk sandwhiches!..for lunch!! We munched through one feeling ravenous and ready to give anything a try, pretty uninspiring dry mulch like an oversweet bun. He then pulled out the lunch he'd brought for himslef and Wan Souk, a block of sticky rice, a strip of grilled pork and a little pouch containing spicy dip to add flavour. I told him the bread was shit and he said it was okay as he'd also bought a few apples and oranges for everyone so we could have some of these instead.
I had a sudden flashback to being in hospital in Japan years ago when the only thing they fed me on was bread and jam three times a day while everyone else was getting steaming trays of soup, fish, rice and noodles. It's an inexplicable Japanese perception that all westerners live on bread alone though for sure this was the first time I'd come across it travelling through South East Asia. We were now well on our way to suspecting that Tua was a bit clueless and couldn't actually have any experience guiding foreigners at all.
We put the bread aside and shared half their lunch, which was very tasty but not quite enough to fill everyone. Wan Touk munched away and told us that he'd recently retired from the Laos Army, he'd joined in '68 during the height of the American war and served throughout the Indochina conflict. When I asked him where he'd fought he mentioned a few places to the east on Laos that we'd never heard of. The Ho Chi Minh trail then?
Yes, and also inside Vietnam, then back to Udomxai and down to Vientiane for the final victory of the Pathet Lao. We were impressed and wanted to hear more but he just chuckled and stretched his legs. Then he stipped down to his undies, washed all his clothes in the river, hung them to dry on some rocks and jumped in to take a midday bath. We sat on some boulders in the shade enjoying the rest. Within fifteen minutes he was washed, kitted out in his newly cleaned and dried clothes and ready to head on. We looked over at Tua, who was fidgeting with his mobile phone and using his fleece jacket as shade, he hadn't even brought a hat. What was the point of him being there? Tua could speak Lao and English. Wan Souk had no english but could speak Phou Noy and Lao Ko which are the main indiginous languages of the region. (Laos has nearly seventy different ethnic groups and languages) So we'd leave the village etiquette and hiking to Wan Souk and the translating into English and..er, cooking to Tua.

The ascent up the mountain was murder, steep to the point of nearly climbing at times and it just went on and on. Wan Souk took up a steady slow pace but we were soon lagging far behind him as Tua was second in line and was clearly exhausted and dragging us behind. The heat was getting intense on top of all the relentless uphill climbing. We finally made it to some less steep ground and took regular breaks. The hours rolled by and the sun was beginning to make its exit when we finally arrived at Ban Chan Tean village.

The people who live there are Lao Ko, similar to Black Hmong in dress but speaking there own language. The village was well isolated but only the first of many that could be reached if you hiked on and on for weeks towards the Yunnan border. Being a whole days walk away from anywhere and not having electricity let alone telephones, we weren't expected and created a bit of a stir as we dragged our selves down the final hill. Standing on that hill on the outskirt of the village was a large wooden frame, pyramid shaped which, we found out later, was a ceremonial site, recently used to usher in the new year by slaughtering a pig.
It looked like most of the men of the village we're there to ponder our arrival as they we're building a new house and climbing up the frame of the roof to get a look. Lots of shouts and laughter, quizzical faces and more than a few blank or unreadable stares came our way. Wan Souk went ahead making greetings and introductions to the men and the village chief. He also had a very old friend from the Army living in Ban Chan Tean which was probably the main reason why it was possible for us to visit. He said that no tourists ever get there.
After a bit of confusion and me and Aya putting our excellent Laos greetings to use, "sabaidi...sabaidi..."two things happened simultaneously. It seemed settled that we could stay (god knows what we'd have done if they said no), the chief's house would put us up and so Tua, at the edge of the crowd ushered me away and down the hill towards our lodgings. At the same time Aya saw the chief pull out four chairs into the middle of the crowd while he was chatting to Wan Souk so she obviously thought we'd be invited to sit and have a more formal introduction. However seeing me and Tua walking away she came with us and it was only later that we figured Tua might have helped us commit a bit of a social faux pas.

The village was made up of simple wooden huts with thatched roofs, on our way in groups of women and children gathered at a distance surprised and sometimes shocked at our arrival. I saw a young girl pick up a baby and run away glancing in horror over her shoulder. Lots of women kind of half hid in doorways. They were dressed in black with silver jewelry, wearing tall hats adorned with coins and chains. Alot of the kids were wearing similar clothes with little skull caps on.
Well we were creating bit of a stir in the lanes so maybe that was why Tua thought it best to hide us in the chief's hut. His wife was inside with four kids, granny and a baby, both the women wore traditional clothes but it was so dark inside we suddenly couldn't see much of anything. We were sat in front of a fire on little wooden stools on the dirt floor and, well, left there for a bit. We sat there knackered from the hike, but alert to the sudden change in situation, pondering Tuas possible faux pas. The kids stared from the shadows in the corner and, even in such a small space, we only made out glimpses of what the silent woman of the house actually looked like, a glint of silver here, an exposed breast hanging out there but no sign of her face as she always seemed to have her head bowed.
Well, there was nothing to do but sit and breath in the smoke fumes. the hut didn't have a chimney and gradually became more and more suffocating. Granny came back in with a pile of wood, stoked up the fire pit a bit more and seemed more disposed towards us, sitting on a stool close by with baby in her lap. She made cooing noises, smiled and showed us the little treasure. For a minute I was horrified we'd have to play 'pass the baby' but luckily that didn't happen.

The chief reappeared briefly, he sat opposite and had a brief halting exchange with Tua which ended with a long silence after which he kind of shrugged, groaned and walked out. Tua started explaining to us the importance of 'the door'. This wasn't the main door we'd come through, but the back door, through which the only light and air was spilling in. Apparently it was taboo to do a lot of things associated with this door, like walk through it if you were the wife, or take food inside through it, or wood outside...it was all very confusing and the only certainty was that when a visitor wants to propose marriage you enter through it and when someone dies they use it for their final exit from the house. At the current rate of monoxide poisoning this didn't seem far off but luckily we could make use it as long as there was no food or wood involved.
Thank god, we said we needed to go pee so we could go outside and breath. We wandered around smelling like we'd been camping for a week and headed off for the hill overlooking the village to take some pics. Some kids followed us and when I put my hand to the camera they ran away screaming. We passed a woman in her yard and when we said "sadaidi" she burst into a cackling laugh showing us her red teeth, shaking her head. We stood for a while pretending to admire a hairy black pig while a crowd gathered. We could hear people chatting behind and when we turned around there were about twenty women and kids standing there. With the dying light of the day and dressed in their charcoal grays, blacks and dark blues they looked amazing. We said hello and they laughed, nodded said hello, shrieked at each other generally fell about a bit We almost always ask peoples permission to take a photo, usually by half holding up the camera and pointing at it. As soon as Aya reached for her camera to do this the whole group dispersed, kids legged it, women shouted and covered their faces, babies started crying. We'd never come across anything like it. So, obviously no pictures then. The groups formed again and being without guides and utterly ignorant of Lao Ko we all stood about smiling and nodding and laughing at each other.

Back at the hut, dinner was being prepared, we felt for Tua trying to cook in the near total darkness but he managed to knock together some fried greens, a kind of flower stem that tastes bitter, and rice. As the guests we got to eat first while all five kids stared on absorbed by the spectacle.Then granny and Tua got to eat Then dad arrived, who wasn't actually the chief, his son perhaps..and he ate and finally mum and the kids got their meal. Between dishes we decide to use our 'magic mini cinema' routine to try and break the ice, showing mum and the kids all the pics we'd taken that day on the viewing screen of the digicam. They were absobed by the little electric glow of the camera looking at pictures of mountains and streams, us, Wan Sauk and Tua. Mum chatted a soft running commentary for the kids though she was directly behind us and we still hadn't caught a glimpse of her face.
We were suffocating in the smoke again, the lack of a chimney meant the smoke wafted across the full length of the room to escape through 'the door'. We made another excuse to go pee, (must've thought we had weak bladders) and as we left heard the house explode into noise as Mum lauched into a terrade of shouting, obviously giving her husband a serious piece of her mind. We snuck around the side of the hut towards the hill again, shocked by the sudden change of gear in the house. We laughed trying to imagine what she was saying, "Who the are these people? What the hell are they doing in my house you useless sod!!!Weren't you gonna paint the bathroom tonight?"

It was good to get some fresh air and the canopy of stars from up on the hill was increadibly clear. All over Laos, the total absence of light pollution lets the whole night sky shine through. We carried on admiring this until we thought it best to return. At first we thought the arguement was still gong on but realised that there was a whole new bunch of people in the hut. A group of eight or so men had settled in around the small fire smoking bongs and cigerettes and shouting loudly. We recognised a couple of faces from the building site that afternoon.
The room was now full of woodsmoke and fumes, one guy sitting right on the fires edge getting shrouded in the stuff. The women and kids had moved to the little entrance space and we found Tua sat at the back from the group, he seemed nervous. More salutations and greetings, the men seemed to be questioning Tua and he was reluctant to say much. I thought some sounded a bit confrontational but it was hard to tell. He told us that these villagers we're all like the Chinese, loud and gruff and that he could barely understand what they we're saying. Theres no schools in the village etc etc...It was difficult to chat for sure, they we're shouting and laughing and high as kites. The chief popped in for a bit but just kind of slunked over his stool holding his head like he'd just taken a bit hit of something. Green rice whiskey? Opium?
Some more young lads came in and sat around the edges of the room looking on and laughing. There was one guy sat to my right who got everyone laughing everytime he spoke. It was frustrating not being able to communicate, we could have done with Wan Souk.

I reached over to get some water but couldn't reach it so said to Aya "Pass us some water." The guy next to me goes, "pazuzsumwo'a" and we all fell about laughing."Thanks alot","phankalo"...the kids were loving it and suddenly the ice was broken. This went on for ages, with him mimicking almost everything we said and us getting him to tell us the Lao Ko for things. I'd point to a glass of tea and he'd say "Sa", I'd say "Tea" and he'd go 'ti" and everyone was laughing, "kai...teapot, Pa..fire". So then he could make a mimed sentence, "tea...teapot...fire" as in, put the tea in the pot and stick it on the fire. He was very funny and got everyone in hysterics. Not least of all cause he was in tears of laughter himslef half the time.
"Pai...Bong" so he passed it over to us. A thick tube of bamboo with water in the bottom and a small snout to burn and feed the smoke through. We had a go and now everyone was fully enjoying each others company. It was a great night and the first in a Lao village where we could meet up with the people like this. We managed to pick up the Lao Ko greeting, which might be written something like 'Jun Myun Byola' but I couldn't pronounce it for the life of me and made it sound more like 'me umbrella'.

Finally things wound down, Tua seemed anxious to call it a night and anyway we were dead tired from the trek. Apparently we'd hiked over thirty kilometers of mountains that day so settled in for the night on a raised platform alongside the main room. We'd all be sleeping in there and luckily 'pazuzsumwoa' had hung around long enough to warn Tua that he was in the wrong spot and was actually settling himself into the chief's bed. I found a small crack in between the wooden paneling of the wall where fresh air was pouring in so spent the night with my head tilted back trying escaping the fumes of the long burning fire.

I was woken up at some point to see Wan Souk standing over us trying to wake Tua, there was a very old man stood beside him, all wrinkly features and heavy shadows in the fire light. They got Tua up, sat him by the fire and talked to him for hours. I imagined them giving him a lecture on proper village etiquette and wondering what a city boy like him thought he was doing pretending to be a guide and taking tourists to villages in distant provinces of the country visiting places he'd never been before, meeting people he didn't know and generally not know shit from shite. But then it was just my imagination as they spoke Lao and so I obviously couldn't understand a word they said.

The next morning we woke just after dawn, the hut coming to life with the rising sun. We sat round the ever burning fire and ate a breakfast of instant roodles. We were offered a bowl to wash in and luckily didn't take it outside throught 'the door' to wash in the yard. Tua only told us afterwards it was taboo for guests to take water outside and the family would have had to slaughter a buffalo.
We decide to wander around the village and try a new tactic to get some pics. There were more kids around and so we decided to hand the cameras over to them to have a go. A few of them really got into it and before long they were taking pictures of each other and laughing over the results. Most of the villagers still hid at the sight of a lens but "pazusdawo'a" and a friend came by to get their pictures taken and even the family we'd stayed with alowed us one shot. I think they really wanted to see what they looked like and all (except mum, whose face we finaly got a glimpse of) laughed at the results.
Soon enough Wan Souk came by and after many thanks it was time to head off on the long trek back to Pongsali. Originally we were meant to spend three days on the hike but the extra day on the river had eaten into our time. We got a warm send off from the Lao Ko people, back working on the new house they waved us off shouting good luck.
We trekked back was much the same way only in reverse, we felt stronger already in our legs and got down to the river quickly, then taking a different route on the way back up from their. We headed up a very steep open area that some villagers had cleared for dry rice planting. Finally this trail took us high up onto the valley ridge and could walk back to Pongasali along this scenic open land of Green Tea Plantions.


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FULL CIRCLE


We followed the original plan, trying to get across to Luang Nam Tha in the northwest for another three day trek. It took us another two days by bus to get there.(not the one Tua originally said). Ten hours on the road from Pongsali to Udomxai, then another five hour minibus ride to Luang Nam Tha the followig day. During the breaks in travel we began to question Tua about his spending on food and guides. We were paying all cost on top of his basic "guide fee". He'd increased the costs from the original and claimed to have spent all the money we'd given him although we couldn't work out how it was possible. He claimed to have spent fifteen dollars on the bread, noodles etc for the two day hike! Of course we knew he was lying, but this added a new dimension to our growing distrust of him. Up till then he was just a bit incompetant and had seriuos exagerated his experience as a guide.
Now he seemed to be pocketing our cash.

When we arrived in Luang Nam Tha it was obvious that he didn't know the town at all. He let it slip to Aya that it was his first visit although he'd told us he knew the area well when we first hired him. Which of course you'd have to to be a guide there. Luang Nam Tha seems to have developed a lot in recent years, there's quite a developing tour industy building up around there, with an EU funded guide service, eco tourism schemes and the like. I was curious to see how Tua was gonna come up with the goods but didn't have too wait long. He was always making calls on his phone and disappeared for a bit before meeting us for lunch. The first thing he said was that he'd been sleeping. He wasn't a good liar and it seemed odd that he was suddenly explaining to us where he'd been and what he'd been doing. I was waiting for it and it came. His phone rang and he made a big show of having a shocking and surprising conversation.

"Some problem?"
"Oh no. What do we do now. My grandmother is very sick. I must go back to Luang Phabang."
I just hung my head. It was such a lame lie. He must have forgotten that he'd told me a week earlier that he used the same excuse with his boss to get the time off to take us up north. I was half contemplating strangling him but was also half relieved that we could see the back of the little schiester.
Aya worked out his fee and expenses and he returned the difference trying to find excuses to exagerate the amount. We'd already paid all his travel. Plus ten dollars a day, and the twenty for the hike and the food bill which he still refused to justify, plus Wan Souks fee. The useless shit was more expensive than our own costs. We were getting by on under ten dollars for food and lodgings ourselves. The plan of three days travel and six days hikinh had so far amounted to five days travel and two days hiking, and we were paying to get him there. I think he must have realised that he just couldn't pull it off in Luang Nam Tha. I couldn't look at him and was just glad to see go.

So anyway, it worked out that we werenow in a position to hire a good knowledgable guide oursleves. Before this I decided to give Mr. Kongty from the Tourist Police back in Vientiane a call. We said we would although it seemed like a very long shot, we'd put our minds at rest. I got through, and with the communication problem it took a while to figure out that he was claiming to actually have my Pentax camera.
To be sure we understood each other I asked him to go get it and read me the camera name, "M...Z...3. We have.", "How? Where?".."In restaurant. Boy returns it". I asked Loas guy owning the shop we were calling from to confirm the whole conversation in Laos."Yes, he says they have you're camera. You have to go to Vientiane to collect it from the Police."
So that was it, after almost three weeks traveling away from the capitol, five out of the last seven days traveling continually we found oursleves packed, stuffing wet washing into the backpack and sitting on the same minibus we'd taken the day before, back to Udomxai. We used the money we'd saved from not having time to trek in Lhuan Nam Tha towards some flight tickets and caught the 45 minute flight down to Vientiane. The last time we'd flown, three months back into Hanoi the plane nearly crashed so it was a bit unnerving being sat on the little thrity seater Lao Aviation plane up into the clouds.
The hext morning we were sat, once again, in the Tourist Police station, Vietiane. The same green walls, pot of weak tea, no telephones and Mr. Kongty flashing us a quick smile then going stone faced. The other police gathered in and silently sat around like we were in a dentist waiting room as one of them scribbled out a statement into the book for us to sign. Eventually a key was found and someone came back from a neighbouring room with my camera, film, guidbook and lucky Japanese Omamori (a shinto prayer hiden in a like bag).

I couldn't gather the circumstances from Mr. Kongty. Aya had more luck in french. It turns out that the police did eventually venture out the office and visit the restaurant. After not getting much cooperation, they apparently threatened to throw the waiter in prison if he didn't hand over the goods. Amazingly, three days later he came back to the police station and gave them my Camera. He still working at the restaurant.
We signed the statement in the highschool notebook and said "thankyou very much." They smiled and waited. Aya wondered what they wanted. Mr. Kongty leaned across and explained that times were hard, what with the cost of the tuk-tuk to the restaurant to investigate and everything. How about ten dollars for expenses.
I was thinking of all the leg work we'd done in the city for a week, actually getting the waiter into the police station ourselves, then traveling back down half the country. Still I was more than happy to get my camera back. We agreed to give them their "expenses" but only if they'd let us take their picture.


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